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BREAKING: Rick Dipietro Injures Himself While Getting Off Injury List

In yet another unfortunate turn of events for the storied franchise, New York Islanders goaltender Rick Dipietro suffered an upper-body injury just moments after being taken off the injury list. Although doctors are… Continue reading

Ryan Miller Demands to Have Spiritual Guru ‘Provide Guidance’ During Games, Practices

Buffalo Sabres’ goaltender Ryan Miller is known to put intense effort into his focus and concentration. But this upcoming season, he plans on taking that effort to a whole new level. Under the… Continue reading

Sergei Kostitsyn Starts Charity to Bring Hot Russian Girls to America

Nashville Predators winger Sergei Kostitsyn just wants to make the world a better place. “When I look at all the problems in the world,” Kostitsyn said, “I just cry. It’s all so overwhelming.… Continue reading

Hot Dog Vendor Refuses to Report to Islanders

In what could be a defining moment of his career, Harry Bonaducci, a hot dog vendor at Long Island’s Nassau Colisseum, has refused to work Islander home games this season. “It has nothing… Continue reading

Shane Doan Not Sure Why He Should Get $7 Mil a Year, Either

While NHL bloggers and commentators speculate that Shane Doan, the gritty Phoenix Coyotes winger who is an unrestricted free agent, is up for a big payday, nobody is more confused by why that… Continue reading

Wang’s Boys? In Attempt to Cut Costs, NY Islanders to Have Men Dress Up As ‘Ice Girls’

Charles Wang did not make his fortune by throwing money away. But with his investment in the New York Islanders bleeding his wealth, the computer software mogul will have men fulfill the roles… Continue reading

Lou Lamoriello in Talks to Extend Contract with Satan

                  New Jersey Devils GM Lou Lamoriello is in talks to extend his contract with Satan, the dark prince of the underworld, in hopes to… Continue reading

Patrick Kane Would ‘Give It All Up’ if He Could Just Have a Drink in Peace, Dammit

Chicago Blackhawks star forward Patrick Kane is fed up. “Everybody just needs to chill the (expletive) out,” he said, while sitting in a bar having a beer. “I’m having a beer, ok? What… Continue reading

‘Heartless’ Semin Signed One-Year Contract Because He Was Too Lazy to Sign Multi-Year, GM’s Say

NHL general managers around the league have claimed that enigmatic yet talented winger Alexander Semin signed a one-year contract because he was too lazy to sign longer and not because there is a… Continue reading

Tim Thomas So Bored, He Sits at Home Writing Facebook Posts About Chick-fil-A

As he took another sip of beer from his miniature Stanley Cup mug, Tim Thomas, the former Vezina trophy winner as the NHL’s most valuable goaltender, has admitted that he regrets taking the… Continue reading