NHL and NHLPA Agree: No More Anonymous Hockey Rumor Bloggers, Plz, Thx

                Enough is enough. “It’s like every time I turn around, there another damn anonymous hockey blogger,” NHL commissioner, Gary Bettman said. “What is this, like,… Continue reading

Domink Hasek Says NHL ‘Too Scared’ to Let Him Return

Dominik Hasek could not stop laughing. “Look at these fools,” Hasek said, referring to the NHL and NHLPA executives handling the CBA negotiations. “They’re so scared of my return, they might not even… Continue reading

Tim Thomas Named Mitt Romney’s VP Running Mate

In a surprise announcement, U.S. Republican nominee Mitt Romney as named Boston Bruins goaltender Tim Thomas his Vice President nominee. And in an exclusive interview with Real Hockey News, the Republican candidates said… Continue reading

CBA Negotiations Cancelled Because NHL Team Owners, Players Drowned in Money

In a tragedy of epic proportions, the NHL team owners and players all drowned in their own money while attempting to negotiate a new CBA agreement. “There was just money everywhere,” said George… Continue reading

Roberto Luongo Admits to ‘Totally F-ing Around’ with Gillis On Trade Talks

Hockey fans have been waiting for Vancouver Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo to be traded ever since backup goalie Corey Schneider took over the starting role last season and inked a long-term contract with… Continue reading

NHL Apologizes for Exposing Millions of Innocent People to Nickelback

In an attempt to correct one of modern history’s most tragic mistakes, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has issued an official apology for causing millions of hockey fans around the world to be exposed… Continue reading

Ilya Bryzgalov to Take Year Off, Going to Mars in Russian Space Shuttle

In a highly unexpected move, Philadelphia Flyers goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov has announced he will not play in the 2012-13 season because he is going to Mars. “I have always been interested in outer… Continue reading

Mike Richards Spends Day with Stanley Cup Standing in Front of Ex-Girlfriend’s House

For the lucky few who actually get to realize the dream of winning the Stanley Cup, figuring out what to do on their one day with Lord Stanley can be almost as difficult… Continue reading

P.K. Subban Not Signed Yet Because He Laughed Too Loud in a Restaurant

During a golf conference of old Canadian men and Molson beers that was disguised as a CBA negotiation, it was revealed that the reason why P.K. Subban has not been signed by the… Continue reading

Teenager Realizes Paulina Gretzky Looks Too Much Like Wayne Gretzky to Fantasize About

              A bored teenager sitting at his computer all day was in the midst of spending quality time by himself when he made a startling discovery. “She… Continue reading