Jarome Iginla Traded to Penguins Because ‘I Run Shit!’ GM Shero Says
In a surprise leading up to the NHL trading deadline, the Pittsburgh Penguins have acquired rugged future Hall of Famer Jerome Iginla from the Calgary Flames.
“I got Iginla because screw everybody, I’m the fricking man,” said Penguins GM Ray Shero. “There are GM’s and then there are BAD mother-whooping GM’s and guess which one I am – that’s right. I’m a bad mother-whooping GM.”
The move comes days after the Penguins acquired longtime Stars winger Brendan Morrow.
“You all thought I was done when I made that move, huh?” Shero said. “But I wasn’t done. I caught y’all slippin’. Now here I am with the one player everybody wants. Why? Because I’m Ray mother-spanking Shero.”
Shero added that although the price for Iginla was high, it was worth it because in addition to the all-star winger, he also acquired a large box of tissues.
“And I’m gonna send that box of tissues over to [Bruins GM] Peter Chiarelli so he can wipe the tears from his eyes,” Shero said.
The addition of two highly-skilled, rugged, and experienced wingers adds an incredible amount of depth to a team that has already shown to be a formidable force all season long.
But with Morrow and now Iginla, there is additional pressure on the Penguins to not just go deep in the playoffs, but win the Cup. Anything less will mean the loss of several picks and prospects for what amounted to two very expensive rental players whose contracts are up after this season.
Nonetheless, Shero is confident his team will go the distance.
“Have you seen the Eastern Conference?” Shero said. “There’s us, Boston, and that team that pretends they can hang with the big boys up in Montreal. I ain’t worried about them and I’m sure Boston will be too busy hating on us because we got Morrow and Iginla. So I’m not worried.”