Chicago Blackhawks So Good, Fans Have Had Erections For Several Weeks
Not only has the Chicago Blackhawks’ streak been so good that even ESPN is talking about hockey, but the team’s fans have also been unable to get rid of long-lasting erections.
“I’ve been hard since that 3-0 win against Nashville back in February,” said Blackhawks fan, George Baczowski, 36. And just like the Blackhawks, it can’t be beat, if you know what I mean.”
Baczowski is not alone. In fact, emergency rooms and urologists around the Chicagoland area have complained of getting calls all day, every day from concerned patients worried about their erected penis – but who turn out to just be excited Blackhawks fans.
“Every day we get 40 or 50 guys coming in wondering why their junk won’t go down,” said Wanda Ramirez, the emergency room receptionist at Stroger Hospital in Chicago. “And since they’re always white, I just assume they’re a Blackhawks fan.”
“My job is hard enough,” said urologist Steve Wintzell. “But try checking the urethra of a guy who has a full hard-on because Bryan Bickell had a two-goal game against the Wild.”
The erection epidemic has caused a wide array of problems, including sexual harassment claims.
Vanessa Mitchell, a waitress at the Globe Pub, says she had to quit her job because of the constant erections.
“Every time I’d try to serve somebody a beer, I’d have to dodge five or six different boners,” she said. “The only time I could get any work done was when soccer was on and people just sit around pretending to like
There have also been reports of problems aboard public transportation.
“Don’t ride the Blue Line after a Blackhawks game,” warns Chicago Transit Authority president, Forrest Claypool. “It’s just hundreds of guys in Blackhawks jerseys with rock-hard stiffies crammed into a tight space. And even if that’s your thing, it gets a little crazy. Trust me.”
Doctors have been searching for a cure. But so far,hey are puzzled. Some fans, however, have claimed they found a temporary cure.
“I was hard since the 6-game winning streak at the beginning of the season,” said Blackhawks fan Matt Jenkins, 27. “But then I turned on a Buffalo Sabres game the other day and BAM – boner was gone.”