Sabres’ GM Darcy Regier Says ‘No Need’ to Make Changes Because He Will Never Ever Be Fired

"Fire me? LOL!" Regier said.

“Fire me? LOL!” Regier said.

After a horrid start to the season, the Buffalo Sabres have been looked at as a team that will make changes, either through a trade or a new coach.

But Sabres General Manager put those rumors to rest during a press conference Tuesday after he told reporters that no changes will be made because he doesn’t feel like doing anything and doesn’t have to worry about losing his job ever.

“Look, I’m a busy guy,’ Regier said. “I have golf. I’m working on losing a few pounds. And I have this book club I’m really involved in – we’re reading 50 Shades of Grey right now, which is just terrific, by the way. So I don’t have time to ask other GM’s about trades or whatever.”

When The Real Hockey News asked Regier if he was worried about losing his job due to inaction, he dismissed the possibility.

“Man, I can’t get fired. Don’t you think I would have been fired by now if that was even possible?” Regier said. “Besides, who’s gonna fire me? Pegula? Puh-lease. I have dirt on him over all that fracking in Pennsylvania. How you think he got so rich? And don’t think Bettman will try to come in and make some rule that could get rid of me. I have pictures of him getting really into leather, if you know what I mean.”

Regier also dismissed the possibility of replacing long-time head coach Lindy Ruff.

“Ruff stays because I like him,” Regier said. “He wears nice ties. He calls me ‘sir.’ And the man gives an excellent foot massage. Ruff ain’t going nowhere.”

As for ideas on how to improve the Sabres record, Regier said he had none.

“Why you asking me? I’m Darcy fricking Regier!” he said.