Ilya Bryzgalov Demands NHL Change Game Time Format from 3 Periods to 3 ‘Instantaeous Occurrences of the Absolute’

Ilya Bryzgalov contemplates the unreality of time.

Ilya Bryzgalov contemplates the unreality of time.

As the NHL’s owners and players continue to hash out their differences, Philadelphia FLyers’ goalie Ilya Bryzgalov has announced he has a personal demand: to restructure the NHL’s game time format from three periods of 20 minutes each to three “instantaneous occurrences of the absolute.”

The popular netminder says he came up with the new concept while practicing a revolutionary form of Tai-Chi in a remote mountain region of Tibet.

“It became so clear to me,” Bryzgalov said. “Why do we have these three periods? They are just lies. Periods do not exist because minutes do not exist. What is a minute? Sixty seconds? What is a second? You don’t know. Nobody knows because these things do not exist – they are only concepts that create a lie – a lie of seconds and minutes and periods that do not exist.”

Bryzgalov went on to explain that he had a vision for a better system of time structure:

“We need to realize that time is one continuous present that does not split up into seconds or minutes or periods. We exist in a fluid present that is only known by our consciousness of the NOW. In other words, the past and future are not metaphysically real – they are only the results of our inability to grasp Time as a whole. Therefore, we need to play hockey games in three instantaneous occurrences of the absolute. By doing this, we present a more accurate depiction of our Time consciousness.”

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When asked how long these instantaneous occurrences will be, Bryzgalov said, “About 20 minutes each. But they’re not really minutes, ok? That’s the whole point.”

Colin Campbell, Director of Hockey Operations for the NHL, said the league is currently reviewing Bryzgalov’s proposal.

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