Despite Replacement Referees, NHL Fans are Envious of NFL Fans Because At Least the NFL Has Games

A hockey fan fails to find the inspiration to face another pointless day of his meaningless existence.

During Monday Night Football broadcasts on Monday night, millions of Americans complained relentlessly via Twitter, Facebook, and bar stools about the NFL’s replacement referees who are refereeing in place of actual NFL referees.

But amidst the hatred and vitriol, NHL fans sat by quietly as they envied NFL fans for at least having a game in a league that at least pretends to give a damn about them.

“All of my friends are Packers fans,” said Jordan Kurzweil, 22, a Detroit Red Wings fan from Green Bay, Wisconsin. “They were pissed over the result of the game. But the whole time, I was just thinking to myself: ‘at least you have a game.’ Some people just don’t know how lucky they are.”

Many observers claim that the Seattle Seahawks’ win over the Green Bay Packers was purely a result of referee incompetence. But hockey fans were too depressed and jaded to think about it due to the constant uncertainty over whether the NHL will ever have another season again. And if it does, will it be locked out again after a few months.

“Yeah, I saw the game. And yeah, it was brutal,” said Harry Holcomb, 33, of Chicago. “But it wasn’t as brutal as the complete ass-reaming NHL fans get by the league and the players.”

Holcomb added: “At least NFL fans don’t have to try to pretend they like watching Russian football games on the internet. Man, that shit sucks.”

Watching Russian hockey, or KHL games, is what many NHL fans have resorted to during the current version of the NHL’s breakdown due to incompetency, otherwise known as a “lockout.” But the substitute has not satisfied NHL fans’ hunger for the game.

“I don’t even know what the fuck they’re saying,” said Brad Carson, 29, of Vancouver. “It’s like a bunch of Russian words I don’t understand with a bunch of players that I don’t know they are, and they’re all wearing jerseys with, like, a million advertisements all over the place. It’s like I’m having a bad acid trip in a psychedelic Russian 60’s movie and the only person who can save me is Ilya Kovalchuk – but he never shows up.”

NFL fans, however, do not seem to have any empathy for their fellow sports fans.

“There’s no hockey?” asked Frank Delbello, of New York. “I didn’t realize it because they never show hockey highlights on ESPN anyways.”

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