BREAKING: NHL, NHLPA Negotiations Canceled Due to Shock of Nickelback Singer Chad Kroeger’s Engagement to Avril Lavigne

The CBA negotiations between the NHL and the NHLPA were canceled shortly after both parties learned of the marriage announcement between Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger and singer Avril Lavigne.

“We just found out about this and we’re going to need some time to digest,” NHL commissioner Gary Bettman said. “It’s a shock. None of us saw it coming. We’re gonna need some time.”

NHLPA boss Donald Fehr agreed.

“OMG! I can’t believe it!” he said as engaged in a text message argument with Sidney Crosby over what kind of dress Lavigne should wear.

Talks are expected to resume after the NHL and NHLPA realize that Nickelback is horrible and should be arrested for hurting that poor, sweet little girl.