NHL Hopes to Win Over Angry Fans with Pitbull Concert During Winter Classic

Intense labor talks that have threatened to bring the NHL’s third lockout in ten years has angered many of the league’s loyal fans. But that is something NHL executives hope to fix by having rapper Pitbull play a concert during the next Winter Classic on Jan. 1, 2013.

“We know our fans,” NHL commissioner Gary Bettman said. “And if there is one thing Canadians and mostly white, middle class suburbanite American teenage males who post photos of their hockey stick collections on Reddit, it’s Pitbull.”

The announcement comes days after the league formally apologized for exposing millions of fans to Nickelback, which proved to be extremely damaging to people’s brains.

“We make a lot of mistakes,” Bettman said. “It’s basically what we do best. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have the ability to fix those mistakes. When you make so many, you’re bound to fix one once in a while. And Pitbull is that fix.”

The Latino rapper, best known for dance club-friendly tunes with Spanish and English lyrics describing the size of female buttocks and various products he gets paid to promote, said he is happy to be able to help the NHL rebuild its relationship with its fans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ll go anywhere for my fans as long as I get paid,” Pitbull said as he had both of his hands resting on the extremely shapely buttocks of two women. “If I can go to a Walmart in Kodiak, Alaska, I can go to a hockey game in cold as hell Detroit in the middle of winter. Snow might be cold but money never gets old! Dalé!”

In addition to playing a concert during intermission, Pitbull will also perform the American and Canadian national anthems in Spanish.

“The fans are just gonna love it,” Bettman said.

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