Lubomir Visnovsky Blames Islanders for Car Crash

“That’s what Islanders seasons look like,” Visnovsky said.

After emerging from a wrecked Ferrari shortly after crashing it into a race track barrier in Slovakia, defenseman Lubomir Visnovsky knew who to blame for the accident: the New York Islanders.

“It’s all their fault,” Visnovsky said as paramedics took him to the ambulance. “If they weren’t trying to force me into playing for their godforsaken team, I might have used the brakes.”

The 36-year old defenseman is currently fighting a recent trade that saw his rights go from the Anaheim Ducks to the New York Islanders. Although the trade was approved, Visnovsky claims he had a no-trade clause that was still in effect.

“It says it right here in the contract,” Visnovsky said as he took out a copy of his contract from his pocket, despite paramedics urging him not to move so they could apply stitches. “It says: ‘No Trade to Islanders.’ What’s a matter? The NHL doesn’t speak English?”

Visnovsky added: “Mr. Wang and Mr. Snow – you have blood on your hands, sirs!”

Although Visnovsky did not suffer serious physical injuries from the accident, Islanders goaltender Evgeni Nabakov, who also tried to get out of playing for the Islanders, said damage has definitely been done.

“It’s on the inside,” Nabakov said in a dark, candlelit room as a tear rolled gently down his cheek. “It’s pain you can’t see, but it’s there.”

In response to the allegations, Islanders GM Garth Snow said that it is not the Islanders who are to blame, but rather the entire country of Slovakia.

“There’s something going on over there,” Snow said. “Andrej Meszaros tore an Achilles tendon in Slovakia, Visnovsky drove into a wall there, and pretty soon Zdeno Chara is probably gonna walk into a street light and get a concussion in some quaint, cobblestoned, Slovak village. So instead of blaming us, maybe you should be blaming the Slovakian government. They’re obviously working for the Russians.”