Domink Hasek Says NHL ‘Too Scared’ to Let Him Return

“They can’t handle my swag,” Hasek said.

Dominik Hasek could not stop laughing.

“Look at these fools,” Hasek said, referring to the NHL and NHLPA executives handling the CBA negotiations. “They’re so scared of my return, they might not even start the season.”

The “Dominator,” as he was known when he racked up Vezina trophies in his prime, is ready to make a comeback to the NHL. However, the 47-year-old claims that teams around the league are hesitant to sign him because they are afraid of his power.

“They just can’t handle my swag,” Hasek said. “Nobody wants to sign me because I’m gonna come in and DOMINATE – like Dominators do – and make all those prissy little girls who call themselves goalies look bad. Yeah, I’m talking about you, Luongo.”

Hasek continued: “Look at that prettyboy who plays for the Rangers. What’s his name? Harry Lungvist or whatever. The guy spends all his time posing for magazines. Me, I stop pucks. I stop pucks all day long. I stopped a puck just now but you didn’t see it because that’s how fast I am.”

The two-time Hart trophy winner as the league’s most valuable player said that he wanted to play for the Buffalo Sabres, but Sabres GM Darcy Regier worried that Hasek’s supreme goaltending powers would shatter Ryan Miller’s confidence.

“Darcy is a man who is scared very easily,” Hasek said. “And he worried that I would come in, DOMINATE, stop pucks like a fire-breathing dragon, and little Ryan Miller would cry and think he’s not as good as he thinks he is. Well, Darcy was right because that’s exactly what would happen. I just wish he wasn’t such a bitch about it.”

The fear of absolute domination is the reason several teams have turned down the superstar goaltender.

“Florida said no because they couldn’t handle the idea of me coming in and DOMINATING,” he said. “Tampa said no because they want Stamkos to believe he can dominate, but since only I can DOMINATE, he’d stop being confident. And Columbus offered me a contract, but I want to play for an NHL team.”

Although Hasek believes no goaltender in the league can compare to his talent, he does have respect for Kings netminder, Jonathan Quick.

“I would say no goalie in the league could hold my jockstrap, but I don’t wear a jockstrap because my balls are hard as rocks,” Hasek said. “But I do like that Quick guy. He tries to play like me and it’s cute to watch. He’s a like a little boy trying to imitate his daddy. I like it.”