Patrick Kane Would ‘Give It All Up’ if He Could Just Have a Drink in Peace, Dammit

“Haters gonna hate,” Patrick Kane said.

Chicago Blackhawks star forward Patrick Kane is fed up.

“Everybody just needs to chill the (expletive) out,” he said, while sitting in a bar having a beer. “I’m having a beer, ok? What am I some kind of bad guy? Do I need to go to a pre-school and apologize or something?”

The 23-year old who scored the Stanley Cup winning goal for the Blackhawks in 2010 sat down with The Real Hockey News to vent his frustration about his well-publicized drunken incidents, including his infamous punching of a cab driver in Buffalo and, more recently, his attendance at a University of Wisconsin college party in which several pictures were taken of an inebriated Kane partying with co-eds and getting kicked out of bars.

“The cab thing was a (expletive for “penis”) move, I admit. But come on – I go to a college party and now the hockey media has to treat me like Lindsy friggin’ Lohan?” Kane said. “I’d tell you what would be a good story – if I was a 23-year old millionaire champion athlete and I didn’t party once in a while. That would be news!”

Kane added: “Would you trust a guy like that? I sure wouldn’t. That would be a weird dude. That would be a bad influence on kids. Not me. If anything, I inspired a few kids to go to college because that party was awesome! When was the last time you saw Sidney Crosby at a college? Right, that’s what I thought.”

The Blackhawks star said that although he enjoys playing in the NHL and accepts the reality of public scrutiny and criticism that goes with it, he admitted that he questions the drawbacks that go along with the benefits.

“Don’t get me wrong – the money is totally awesome and the fans are cool most of the time and playing for the Blackhawks is crazy fun, but seriously,” Kane said before taking a shot of Jameson. “I’d consider giving up the stardom and the dollars if I could just live life like a normal 23-year old. You know, work some bullcrap job in an office for $20k a year while being saddled with student debt for the rest of my life – if I could just have a drink in peace, dammit.”

However, after a group of young women came up to him to ask for his autograph on their breasts in exchange for their phone numbers, Kane said, “You know I was kidding about that whole ‘give it all up’ thing, right? I was speaking hypothetically…that’s something I learned how to do at the University of Wisconsin. BAM!”

At that point, Kane left the bar with three girls and the Chicago Blackhawks public relations team arrived.